Waiting and Waiting and Waiting
by AngelGurl1
Summary: Harry is sick of waiting for his fifth year so he decides to take matters into his own hands and write his own story of how he thinks his life should be like! Please R/R! Features Concieted Harry, High Class Ron, Super Hermione and the new improved Percy!
1. Sick and tired of waiting

Listen, this is my first fic, so please be gentle!!! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!

Disclaimer: I own nothing at all *sigh* Harry Potter and the whole gang belong to J.K. Rowling 

Summary:

Harry Potter has been waiting patiently for two years anticipating the arrival of the fifteenth year of his life. He finally gets fed up and decides to take matters into his own hands….

Everything with a ~* is what Harry is typing.

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Waiting…and Waiting...and Waiting…

It was another ordinary day at Privet Drive…in fact there had been two years worth of the same ordinary day over and over again. Harry Potter sat in his room gazing out the window, hoping for an owl to swoop in with a letter for him. A loud "tut tut" from Hedwig reminded him that this wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Harry glanced at his once-beautiful owl that now was starting to resemble a large pillow due to lack of exercise. Harry suddenly stood up so fast that even Hedwig got dizzy and announced, "I've got an IDEA!" Hedwig just rolled her large amber eyes and proceeded to her 5th nap that day. "You may not have faith in me," shouted Harry to no one in particular, "But I know just what to do!!!"

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Harry sat down in front of Dudley's old computer and thought of what he was about to do. The computer was no longer broken thanks to the old 'Repairus' charm (he had managed to convinced the Dursleys that his wand was merely a homemade friend of his, appropriately named "Stick"). He took a deep breath and began to type.

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~*Harry's Fifth Year

Chapter 1: The Dream

Harry Potter, the boy who lived, awoke with a start.

Harry looked at his screen with disgust "I just need to spice it up a bit" he said once again talking to himself. 

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~*Harry Potter the really, really, really, ridiculously good-looking boy who lived awoke with start.

'Much, Much, better' thought Harry smugly.

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~*He had just had another nightmare, the same one he had been having for so long. The vivid images replayed in his head over and over. He would never again think of marshmallow PeepsÓ the same way again. 

Harry shuddered as the memory resurfaced, yet he continued to type.

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~*He shook his head and walked over to the mirror and stared at his reflection. In fact it was hard not to stare, considering how hot he was. He began to sing his own rendition of "I'm Too Sexy" to himself "I'm too sexy for my broom, too sexy for my broom… yea zoom zoom…I'm too sexy for Quidditch too sexy for Quidditch…" he stopped singing as he suddenly remembered his slightly less handsome than him best friend, Ron Weasley. 

Tan and freckly Ron had always been there for Harry even though he was considerly less popular than Harry was.

Harry wiped away a tear as the thought of Ron wafted through his mind. "I've got to keep going!" he decided, and once again began to type. 

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~*The memory of Ron stirred a memory of Hermione and Harry was saddened once again. He missed that girl with her enchanting smile, her beautiful eyes, and her great legs. Hermione was always there for Harry that is unless he wanted her to do his homework for him. A sudden tapping sound brought him back to reality as he walked over to his window. A tall, gangly redhead and a skinny brunette were looking up at him.

"Harry!" shouted Hermione, "Ron and I have come to get you!"

" Best hurry mate!" added Ron, "the limo's a-waitin'!"

"A limo??" yelled Harry, "How'd you get a limo?"

"We won the wizard lottery, now HURRY UP!!" said Ron who was getting very impatient. Harry hurriedly grabbed his trunk jumped out of the window. This would've been very stupid if Harry was a normal boy, but he wasn't normal. He was a wizard, and a very handsome one at that.

Harry sat back and admired his handi-work. He'd start chapter two tomorrow, right now he had a lot more of gazing out the window to do. 

Sooooooooooo………Do you like? I hope so!!!!! This is a parody, please don't be offended, and I know it's a little OOC but I like how it turned out. 

If you liked it PLEASE REVIEW, if you didn't like it PLEASE REVIEW anyway! 

I love you all! I will continue if I get at least 10 reviews, its no use writing something that no one reads!

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	2. SleepTyping!

Ok, ok I know I said I wouldn't write a second chapter until I got ten reviews but I couldn't help it!!! I got TWO reviews!!! And they liked my story!!! My self-esteem is just soaring!!! I'd like to take the time to answer these two wonderful reviewers!!!

Samuel potter: I'm on a favorites list!!! Thank you soooo much!!!

Katzztar: I like conceited Harry too! Thanx!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, it all belongs to her: Pouts and points at J.K. Rowling:

A/N I know that this doesn't seem like something Harry would write, and I know you're right but this is a parody people!!!

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Chapter 2

Harry Potter was fumbling around his room in the middle of the night wrecking havoc. Could it be He-Who-Has-A-Really-Long-Name? Has our dear little Harry been possessed? Nope. He was just sleepwalking and knocking everything over. This didn't bother the Dursley's a bit since they seem to be immune to Harry's sudden outbursts. Either that or they went deaf. I'm going with the latter. Well anyway widdle Harry quit sleepwalking and started sleep typing. 

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Chapter 2:

To the Burrow! Again…

Harry was amazed as he entered the flying limo, complete with TV. And video games. Which was pretty useless considering Ron had no idea how to use them. "So when are you guys planning on telling me how this all happened?" questioned Harry.

"Well," said Ron whom Harry had noticed was dressed in a tiger-print suit and a purple hat complete with a feather, "Molly played the lottery game in "Witch Weekly" and here we are!"

"Er- Ron, did you just call your mom Molly?" Said Harry a bit overwhelmed. 

"Indeed I did old chap, that's what us rich wizards do," said Ron smugly. 

"Riiiiiiiggghht," said Harry, "Um, Hermione, how has everything been going for you?"

"Well, I didn't do much," replied Hermione shyly, "except for saving the whales, finding a cure for cancer, performing the first brain transplant, planted a rainforest…

Twenty Minutes Later

And I created a diet soda that actually tastes good," she finished. Harry and Ron just stared at her open-mouthed. Hermione just sat there and glowed, or maybe that was the flashlight she was holding…yet either way she simply glowed. 

"What about you Harry? Tell us what you did this summer," urged Ron. 

"I sat in my room, avoided the Dursley's, did my homework, avoided the Dursley's, wrote some letter's, avoided the Dursley's, y'know the usual," smiled Harry. 

" I think we're almost there," said Hermione in a hurry to change the subject. Harry glanced out of the window (he had been doing this a lot lately) and gasped at what he saw. 

"GASP!" gasped Harry. The Burrow was no longer the Burrow; it was now…the Bird's Nest. [A/N sorry! I couldn't resist!]_ A beautiful house stood in the Burrow's place, yet oddly it was painted silver and green._

"Er-Ron? Why's your house painted Slythrin colors?" wondered Harry out loud.

"Oh, we bought it off Malfoy. Guess who's poor now? Muhahahahaha!!" said Ron rather insanely. Harry and Hermione just stared. "Well anyway, Harry this is your room," he said while pointing to a hot pink room with a frilly bedspread, "and Hermione, this is your room," he added while gesturing toward a room painted red with skulls here and there. 

"Just my luck," grumbled Harry, "I'm stuck with MALFOY'S old room!" 

"It's not that bad," said Hermione while looking at the ferret photos in pink frames, "I'd trade you, but…I don't want to," she said while bouncing away.

"Well," sighed Harry, "fduisfnevngtbvmw;y,65vu65,k3c/oy6cvmyco5e;ds,mnvds,.gnilrhglrewnglewnglrwenglwjkwngklnwrgnwlrnengregnkngkegnegnkengkgnkrngkrngrkrngrkkgnrkgnrkgnrkgrnrk"

Chapter three will have to wait seeing that Harry has fallen asleep on the keyboard!

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Sorry that was so short! I was running out of ideas! So what do you think? I hope you like!!! Please R/R!!! Thank you and good nite!!!!


	3. Unexpected visitor

You like me! You really like me! Thank you so much to all the people who reviewed! I feel so loved! J 

Tempestuous: Thanx! I don't get told I'm awesome that often! And it's about time we had a tasty diet soda! ;) 

Katzztar: Thank you for reviewing again! I thought that Malfoy's room being pink and frilly was clever too!

Merusa: I love Zoolander too! You're right, Harry is ridiculously good-looking! 

Annie Christopher: Thank you! I'll keep writing if you guys keep reading and reviewing!

Laterose: I hadn't seen anything like this before either, so I decided it was about time for one!

Coconut ice agent h/h: Those are some good ideas! Hmmmmmm…

Disclaimer (does anyone actually read this?): I don't own anything! It all belongs to Joanne Rowling!!!

Onto the fic! 

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Chapter 3

Harry Potter awoke with key indentations all over his forehead. "That's the last time I fall asleep on the keyboard," he grumbled. He looked at the chapter on the computer and didn't even question how it got there. He figured that it was so genius that he didn't even remember what it was about! "Oh well," he thought, "time to begin chapter three." 

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Chapter Three:

Unexpected Visitors

Harry wandered away form his pink, frilly room and stumbled upon a thin woman in the kitchen. It was none other than Molly Weasley! "Mrs. Weasley?" asked a bewildered Harry.

"Yes, dah-ling it's me, yet please call me Molly," cooed Mrs. Weasley all dolled up in a red sequin gown and high stiletto heels. 

"You're not fat and dumpy anymore!" cried Harry and hastily added, "Did I just say that out loud?"

"Yes, sweetheart you did," sighed Molly in a Hollywood glamour accent which was pretty odd considering she was British. "Gilderoy has helped so much during my weight loss," she added. 

"Gilderoy?! As in Gilderoy Lockheart!?" Harry exclaimed at the top of his lungs. No sooner than he said this ol' Lockheart strode in looking like he owned the world. "Speak of the devil," muttered Harry under his breath. 

Harry looked at his screen oddly and wondered out loud, "Why the bloody heck did I put Gilderoy in here?! And why am I calling him Gilderoy?!" Harry puzzled over this until he got quite tired of puzzling and decided to continue writing. 

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"Harry my boy! I haven't seen you in ages!" squealed Lockheart. 

"Err- I thought you had lost your memory…" questioned Harry.

"Someone as handsome as me lose their memory? Surely I think not!" boomed Lockheart. 

"Don't call me Shirley," muttered Harry and silently added while catching his reflection in a spoon, "He's nowhere as good-looking as me." He rushed out of the kitchen hoping to find Hermione and Ron somewhere. He had the luck to run into Fred and George instead who were wearing matching evil grins. 

"We have a surprise for you!" they crowed in unison. The twins dragged Harry into their room and tied him to a chair. While they were rummaging through their stuff Harry looked at the pictures on the wall. There were two almost identical pictures of the twins on the wall with "Fred" written on one and then scratched out. Underneath the writing it said "George" yet this again was scrawled out. All that was left was a question mark.

Harry smirked as he wrote this, even Mrs. Weasley could barely tell them apart! 

"Here!" they said while handing Harry a pile of ordinary looking pile of muggle sweets. Harry looked at it warily while George (or maybe it was Fred?) hastily added that since they were rich they had no need to test inventions on friends. They had people paid to do that now.

"Erm…thanks," muttered Harry. He knew better than to trust Fred and George, he'd simply give the sweets to Percy after dinner. 

Harry shuddered as he remembered the "punch pop" they had given him once. He had a black eye for a week! 

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As soon as the twins untied Harry he hightailed it out of their room. He desperately needed to find Ron and Hermione. He soon came to a hallway of doors. He opened one door to find Bill Weasley playing poker with a bunch of goblins. They all stared at him maliciously so he quickly shut the door. He opened the next door to find Charlie Weasley holding a big egg and handing it to a large figure. Harry strongly suspected it was Hagrid. Harry was in no mood to get into that again so he shut the door and ventured onto the next one. In the third door he found Crookshanks jazzercising to "Baby Got Back". This was a bit too scary, for even Harry so he slammed the door shut not even a minute after he opened it. He gingerly opened the last door only to find Ginny Weasley looking into her mirror. 

"Giiirl!" She exclaimed, "You look goooooood!" She proceeded to kiss her mirror but was interrupted by Harry shouting "Oh Sorry" and slamming the door behind him. 'Oh well,' she thought, 'at least he didn't catch me dancing!' She then turned her radio and did what only could be described as flailing her arms about and hopping up and down. She looked like a duck having a seizure. She was once again interrupted by the sound of her door shutting and footsteps hurrying down the hallway.

_"Geez," sighed Harry, "I really need to learn how to knock…"_

Harry read over what he had written and was very contented with it. He could smell that Pulitzer Prize already!

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I hope you liked it! I don't think it was as quite as funny as the others but I tried! Please R/R! You know you want to!!!!

"Don't Call me Shirley" Belongs to um somebody and "Baby Got Back" belongs to Sir Mix-a-lot and jazzercising belongs to somebody…

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	4. Surprise, Surprise

Oh goody! I got even more reviews!!! I'm so happy! My first fic is turning out better than I thought it would!

Angellove: I will will will write write write more more! Thanx thanx thanx! 

Spazz angel: Thanks for reviewing! I'll try to find a way to incorporate bananas in the story just for you!

Marinekitty14: I'm glad you think its funny! Tell all your friends!

Myuu/Kyuu: I love them all too! Be prepared for more wacky characters! (Although Hermione seems pretty in character to me)! Remember our deal, I wrote another chappy you owe me a review!

Clam Chowder: I'll try to put Rowling in here sometime; it'll prolly be near the end though! Thanks!

Disclaimer: You know the drill; none of this is mine, except for some strange personality quirks! ;) 

To the fic! 

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Chapter 4

Harry sat in his room contemplating what to write. He decided to write some of what he would consider the perfect life. But he changed his mind since he figured no one would want to read about him swimming in a gigantic swimming pool of chocolate. So he wrote only a little of the perfect life in. 

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Chapter 4:

Surprise, Surprise

As Harry sat down with the Weasleys for dinner he couldn't help but notice Percy was missing. As if she read his mind Mrs. Weasley (I mean Molly!) yelled shrilly for Percy to come down and eat. "Honestly," she huffed, "that boy never listens anymore." Could Harry's ears be deceiving him? Did she just say that PERCY never listens? With a loud pop Percy apparated downstairs, but he didn't look like the Percy that Harry knew. Percy was clothed head to toe in dragon hide, had on a side ways visor, and had on lots of jewelry. Harry made a mental note to give that muggle candy to someone else seeing that Percy was well…buff now. Harry silently reassured himself that Percy was nowhere as buff as him. 

"I'm sorry momma, I never meant to hurt you…" began Percy. 

"Percy! For at least Harry's sake learn a new song!" shouted Molly, "and take of that ridiculous jewelry!"

"You mean my 'bling bling'?" asked Percy disbelievingly, "This goes with me everywhere!" He then proceeded to kissing all of his diamond-encrusted medallions. 

"He wears more jewelry than I do," snickered Ginny. Harry sighed, Ginny was the only Weasley that hadn't seemed to change much. She still didn't have much of a personality. 

Harry reflected on this for a moment. Ginny did too have a personality. Why he remembered the time she…giggled? No…blushed? No…never mind. It was useless he decided, so he continued to write. 

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Molly had made quite an array of exotic dishes. Exotic meaning that no one wanted to eat them. Harry, Ron, and Hermione soon excused themselves and ventured to Ron's room. Four walls of his room were orange; the final wall was bearing a life-size mural of the Chudley Cannons. Harry also noticed a car-sized cage for Ron's minute owl Pigwigdeon. Why an owl that tiny needed a cage that big was more than Harry could fathom. 

"Would you like a banana?" [A/N There you go Spazz angel!] questioned Ron who was now wearing a bright yellow outfit with a new hat complete a with a green feather. Harry was too busy trying to regain his eyesight from the temporary blindness he was experiencing with Ron's new outfit. "What's wrong? Never seen an ensemble like this before? I got this at Abercrombie and Witch!" growled Ron with increasing anger."Err-Ron?" said Hermione gingerly, "A little more ESPN and a little less E!" Ron simply stared at her because once again he had no idea what she was talking about. 

Harry grinned. This happened a lot. He remembered one time when Hermione signed Ron and him up for try-outs for a production of Grease. Poor Ron had no idea that Grease was merely a title. Right before the production he jumped into a tub of actual grease to prepare for his role. 

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Ron merely looked at Hermione and quivered his bottom lip. Within seconds Hermione was sitting on his lap and trying to coax him into forgiving her for being so mean. Ron looked at Harry and mouthed 'I'm quite the pimple!" Harry simply gave Ron the thumbs-up and made another mental note to buy Ron a dictionary for Christmas. That and "Muggle Computers and Other Useless Stuff for Magic Dummies". 

Harry's thoughts were soon interrupted by Molly's loud screaming of "Harry! Come quick!" Harry raced down the stairs as Molly was frantically checking herself in the mirror.

"_What's wrong?" he asked almost out of breath. _

"I just want to make sure I look good for our visitor." she smiled, "That Sirius Black is quite the fox." Harry's jaw dropped as he looked out the window and saw his godfather standing outside the door.

Harry was very pleased with himself for putting Sirius in the story. Now he could rest easy and daydream about that chocolate swimming pool until the next chapter was due. 

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Sorry that was so short! I have kind of a case of writer's block! I'm not that happy with this chapter! The song "Cleaning Out my Closet" belongs to Eminem, the saying "A little more ESPN and a little less E!" belongs to "Friends", and the Dummy books belong to whoever writes them!

Remember: You read the story, you review the story! 


	5. Diagon Alley

Thanks for reviewing everybody! I'm not sure how funny this chapter will be since I've got a splitting headache (where's Madam Pomfrey when you need her?) and I have a bit of writer's block! I'm going to answer some reviews now!

Clam Chowder: My family makes some pretty gross stuff too, I don't know how I update so fast either, and I guess it's just something to do! I think that Pimpin' Percy is one of my favorite characters right now!

CutieCrookshanks: Thanx! I wasn't sure if this story was doing that well in the later chapters! I guess I was wrong!

Katzztar: You are such a dedicated reviewer! Thank you! I'll bring Scabbers in pretty soon!!! Muahahahahah! ;)

To the fic! 

Disclaimer: It's all J.K's 

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Chapter 5

Harry Potter was busily admiring his reflection in the mirror. He wanted to try out that new pout he saw on the cover of Vogue. Hedwig's incessant squawking brought him back to reality and he soon realized he had another chapter to finish.

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Chapter 5

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Diagon Alley 

Harry flung the door opened and was heartily greeted by his favorite godfather (his only godfather in fact) Sirius Black. "Sirius!" sputtered Harry, "I thought you were on the run!" 

"Not anymore Harry me boy," chuckled Sirius while eyeing a very red Molly Weasley. "Now where's Crookshanks? I've got a present for him." No sooner than he was mentioned Crookshanks bounded down the stairs and looked at Sirius expectantly. Sirius pulled a thin, weak-looking rat out of his pocket and tossed it to the cat. 

"Is that…" Harry trailed off.

"The one and only," boomed Sirius triumphantly, "Ol' Petey boy made the mistake of scurrying into one of the caves I was hiding out in. I took him to the ministry and everything was straightened out!"

"Why isn't he in Azkaban then?" asked Harry while furrowing his perfectly tweezed brow.

" I told them that I had a far worse punishment in mind," said Sirius devilishly, and then after seeing Harry's worried look he hastily added "Don't worry, he can't transform." Harry was greatly relieved and excited when Sirius told him to get his friends, because they were going on a trip to Diagon Alley! He told Harry to mention that Molly was invited to (insert roughish wink) yet Harry made it a point that she not find that out. It took them a little while to get ready seeing that Ron and Hermione were well…busy. But in no time at all they were on their way. 

While they were at Diagon Alley they pretty much went their separate ways. Ron went to Madame Malkins to buy some new dress robes in lime green (lime is the new orange he had stated). Hermione went to Flourish and Blotts and soon exited with what seemed like half the store slung over her back. She had very generously bought a book for Harry and Ron, yet Harry wasn't that happy with it. The book was titled "How To Live Life Knowing That Your Best Friend Is Way Smarter Than You." by Ima Genius. Ron however was very interested in his book aptly titled "How to Hog the Spotlight From Your Famous Friend." by A. Winner. Harry was suddenly aware that Sirius was nowhere to be found. He panicked, which mostly consisted of running around in circles and waving his arms around in the air. Sirius who was sitting at the table next to Harry's merely snapped his fingers and Harry calmed down. Even though Harry had calmed down when Sirius snapped his fingers the hordes of girls around him had not. "Harry, one day I'll teach you all the tricks of the trade," said Sirius with charm dripping off his every word. Practically every girl in Diagon Alley had fainted. Hermione hadn't though, she was too busy giggling and winking at somebody to notice Sirius. Harry looked over to see who it was and fell off his chair when he realized it was Draco Malfoy. 

"Well, well, if it isn't Potty and the Weasel" he drawled. 

"Gees Malfoy, that's all you ever do, drawl and sneer, drawl and sneer," said Ron rather defensively. "Here, you left these when you moved out" he added while tossing a bright purple pair of boxers at Malfoy.

"I do more than sneer," said Draco with his eyes narrowing, "I also snarl." With that he flounced away into Diagon Alley's newest installment, "Ferret World."

Harry was very happy with what he had done to Draco. He knew that Draco could stand to be taken down a notch. A whole lot of notches in fact. He was already getting ideas for the next chapter of his life…

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This is not a very funny chappy. Sorry folks. It's really short too. Once again my head is killing me. Do not fear though for I have some new ideas! Can anyone say "Oliver Wood returns"???? I had a feeling you'd like that! PLEASE REVIEW! Vogue belongs to Vogue not me. 


	6. Hogwarts, Sweet Hogwarts

Sorry about the wait, just so you know there prolly won't be any updates from Thursday to Saturday on most weeks. I'll try to update on those days but I don't guarantee it! Now I'll answer some reviews!

Katzztar: Most of my chapters are pretty short, here's a little saying I heard: When writing, the chapters should be the length of a girl's skirt…long enough to cover the subject yet short enough to keep it interesting. Lol! I have a feeling Ferret World will be making a comeback…

Eyes-of-Lily: I'm so glad I cheered you up! Hopefully this chapter will too! I'm soooo glad JK is finally finished with book 5...but Harry doesn't have to know that ::Evil grin::

Calliroa: I'm glad you think its funny! I'll try to work in "Hott In Herre" and some brown sugar…just for you!

Aisla: I'm sorry about the toilet overflowing…yet that gives me an idea…hmmmm

AllStarChaser20: That's a good idea in making sequels to this, but I'll need alotta help! Any volunteers!? I'm giving you permission…just make it good! Lol!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything!

To the chappy!

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Chapter Six

Harry Potter was busily playing his second favorite game, darts (Quidditch would always be number one in his heart). This time the target was a picture of Draco Malfoy. He switched them regularly among Snape, Malfoy, and Barney the dinosaur. It wasn't until his dart ricocheted off the wall and hit him that he remembered that he had a story to write. 

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Chapter 6:

Hogwarts, Sweet Hogwarts

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Harry Potter and company boarded the Hogwarts Express after a very teary goodbye from the Weasley's and Sirius. Percy wasn't that upset to see them leave since he had gotten a job as resident DJ at Hogwarts and would see them all very soon. Harry sat down in his usual spot rubbing his sides. Ginny and Mrs. Weasley had hugged him bit too close for comfort. He'd have to stop by the infirmary when they got to school to make sure he hadn't broken a rib. 

Harry smiled. Mrs. Weasley was a very nice woman although her hugs could very well be classified as death grips. 

_"I wonder who will be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher this year," said Ron while admiring his gold, ruby-studded watch. _

"I have a pretty good a idea who it is," smiled Hermione mischievously. "I pulled some strings over the summer and got us a teacher you will be certainly surprised too see." Hermione had a wonderfully subtle way of pointing out that no matter what, she always knew more than you. 

"Come on and tell us 'Mione," pleaded Harry rather unconvincingly. How can anyone look sincere when they're busy practicing pouty looks in the mirror that they had installed in their watch?

"I TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES," shrieked Hermione, "NOBODY CALLS ME 'MIONE AND NO ONE EVER WILL!!!" Hermione sweetly smiled and straightened the collar on her rugby shirt as Harry and Ron just stared with their mouths agape. 

Harry grinned broadly. Hermione hated being called 'Mione. She had sent Ron a howler once when he had shortened it in a letter he wrote her. 

"Anyways, guess who is most likely going to be captain of the Quidditch team this year?" boasted Harry. 

"I'm sorry Harry, I forgot. Won't you refresh our memory for the thousandth time." Hermione and Ron replied flatly. 

"Its…ME!" declared Harry who was trying to build up a dramatic pause. "Because…I am # 1. No matter if you like it everyday you sit down and write it…eh eh eh," he rapped to make his point. Ron and Hermione just boredly looked at him. It would've been funny if Harry hadn't already done it 20 times. 

At that very moment their cabin door was flung open to reveal none other than Malfoy and his cronies Crabbe and Goyle. All three were wearing identical "Ferret World" t-shirts. "Potter," he snarled, " I'd bet my lifetime supply of brown sugar [A/N there you go Calliroa!] That Captain's position is mine. You will once again have to bow down to my immense glory. Muhahahahaha!" Draco laughed and laughed until he started choking, then he just laughed again. 

"Uh, Malfoy," began Ron slightly chuckling, "You and Harry are on different teams. Remember?" 

"Of course!" said Draco taken aback, "I was just testing you!" And with that he walked out in huff while wearing his "Ferret World" backpack. 

Harry and his friends entered the Great Hall only to be greeted by a monstrous sight. Percy was onstage dancing with Professor McGonagall while singing "Hot In Herre" at the top of his lungs. "Welcome Hogwarts!" Percy shouted, "Are you ready to learn!!!!!!????" He was merely greeted by an unenthusiastic reply from the audience. 

"Attention, attention," began Professor Dumbledore, "I would like you to please direct your attention to our new DADA teacher…" The whole student body held their breath. "Professor Dobby!" finished Dumbledore. The silence was broken by Hermione's shout of "S.P.E.W. will prevail!" Harry and Ron just looked at each other. This was going to be a heck of an interesting year. 

Harry sat back and admired what he had written. Even though Dobby being a teacher was very frightening, he felt like he had to put something else in to make Hermione happy. He couldn't wait until the next chapter.

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Soooo…..do you like it? I hope so!!!! None of Nelly's songs belong to me!!! 

You read it, you review it! 


	7. A Few Changes In The Year

Hey Everyone! I'm back again! I only got two reviews : ( ! I remember when 2 reviews were awesome. It's not making me feel too hot right now! I only need more 6 reviews until I get 30! Please review!!!

DarkAngelGirl: Thanks for reviewing! I like your screen name! ;) 

Marionette: Thank you! I love being told I'm funny!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, nothing at all.

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Chapter Seven

Harry Potter, The Boy Who Snored, awoke from his restless sleep. He had way too many ideas for sleep! "Who needs sleep anyway, when you have coffee!?" thought Harry gleefully too himself as he poured a fresh cup out of his 20 cup coffee maker. He had a wee bit of trouble when he first started typing. His fingers kept shaking from all the coffee. He eventually got started.

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Chapter Seven:

A Few Minor Changes

"There are going to be quite a few changes around the school this year due to some circumstances," declared Dumbledore rather uncomfortably. "For one, we will be having triple home-ec with Professor Snape." Harry and Ron glanced nervously at each other. Home-ec? What happened to potions? Dumbledore ignored all the murmurs throughout the crowd and continued, "We have recently discovered that He-Who-Has-An-Exhaustingly-Long-Name has a weakness for a mean batch of chocolate chip cookies. Whichever house produces the best batch will receive 100 points, courtesy of Professor Snape." He gestured toward Snape who had gone unnoticed until now. He simply scowled, obviously unhappy with his new position, yet even more unhappy about the uniform that went with it. His normal black robes had been replaced with bright pink ones with "I Heart Cookies" emblazoned upon the front. Worse yet he had been forced to wash his hair, which turned out to be bouncy and curly without all the grease weighing it 

down.

Harry started cracking up. Not even Snape deserved this kind of punishment! Wait; on second thought he did deserve it.

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This sent Ron and Harry in to fits of laughter, much to the disapproving look on Hermione's face. She narrowed her eyes and flashed her large prefect's badge at them. The badge had become considerably larger in order to make room for the letters S.P.E.W. Dumbledore once again cleared his throat and continued talking, "There will also be a required dance class since resources reveal that the Deatheaters engage in weekly dance-offs. The best dancer will infiltrate the meetings with the cookies in hand. This class will be taught by an old Hogwarts student, Percy Weasley!"

Percy stood up a started break dancing to "Without Me". "All my dawgs," began Percy, "Percy is such a square name so I want all of you to call me P. Weezy? Got that straight my hommies?" The Great Hall had never been so silent. The only sounds heard were the noise of the crickets chirping. Ms. Norris eating them soon cut that noise short. 

"I only have one more announcement," smiled Dumbledore with his eyes twinkling, "We have two more old students joining us. Please welcome the new Grffyndor Quidditch coaches, Oliver Wood and Sirius Black!" The whole female population of Hogwarts fainted as both men stood up, winked, and sat back down. "You may return to your houses now," finished Dumbledore.

"The password is 'Slimfast' in honor of the Fat Lady's miraculous weight loss" stated Hermione while gesturing to the now skinny fat lady. As Harry gazed at the outfit the lady was wearing in the picture. He was strangely reminded of Molly Weasley. He shrugged off the memory and sat down in front of the fire with Hermione and Ron. They were having a heated discussion about whether the Grffyndor colors were more maroon or more scarlet. Those two fought over just about anything. Harry was sure that they were having a secret relationship and the fighting was just to cover it up. Ron wasn't that slick in the secrets department anyway. He was always fumbling his words when he said he had to see Hermione for…something. 

"Oh well," sighed Harry. He wanted to go to sleep and let the memory of Snape in pink robes settle until tomorrow's lessons. This was going to be a great year all right. Little did Harry know that there were even more surprises hidden around the corner. 

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Sorry that was so short! Sorry its not that funny! I'd make it longer if I got some more reviews!!!!! Without Me belongs to Eminem and Slimfast belongs to themselves. Okay? 

YOU READ IT, YOU REVIEW IT! PLEASE!!!????


	8. The First Class

Okay, 27 reviews! I only need 3 more for 30!!!! C'mon people! Please review! It makes me so happy! And the happier I am the better I write! 

Dhocolate Muse: Thanks for reviewing! Long live S.P.E.W.!!!

Lady Geagua: Thanks for reviewing! Good ideas! I don't think Dobby will die just yet though.

DarkAngelGirl: Thanks for reviewing….AGAIN!!!!! I love it when people review more than once!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for the storyline so DON'T SUE ME!

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Chapter Eight

Harry Potter was furiously typing away at his computer. He wasn't working on his story though. He was chatting on the Internet posing as "I'mTooSexy48". He was currently talking to "GeniusGurly88" and "MyHairMatchesMyNewRobes". Ron and Hermione weren't that different from his own story after all. After his chums signed off he decided to start writing again since there was nothing better to do. 

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Chapter Eight:

The First Class

Harry Potter woke up and yawned luxuriously. He caught his reflection in the mirror (he now had contacts, since everyone was sick of hearing him complain of how his glasses ruined his perfectly chiseled facial figures). Harry once again had to urge to sing, and he could no longer contain it. "Ron, can you handle this? Hermione, can you handle this? Quidditch, can you handle this? I don't think your ready for this Harry; I don't think your ready for this Harry…" he wailed away to the tune of Bootylicious. He wasn't at all paying attention to the fact that his whole dorm was awake by now and watching him. "I don't think you can handle this," he finished and walked down to the common room. 

"Hmmmmm…" mused Harry. Contacts sounded like a good idea to him. 

When he reached the common room he saw that Ron and Hermione were already there, discussing their schedules. "We all have Caring for Magical Creatures **[A/N I can't remember the proper name so bear with me here] **_first," announced Hermione upon seeing Harry's arrival. _

"After that we have Defense Against the Dark Arts, followed by double Home Ec, and then you and I have Divination…" chimed in Ron while reading down the long list of classes. 

"I'm almost looking forward to Home Ec, Snape isn't as nearly as threatening when he's wearing pink." sighed Harry. Somehow he knew that Snape would still succeed in making his life miserable. 

"We better hurry, we don't want to be late," said Hermione impatiently. Ron and Harry just continued arguing about whether or not Madam Hooch still taught at their school. "Let me rephrase that," began Hermione quietly, " WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW OR YOU WILL SUFFER MY WRATH IF WE'RE LATE." She smiled and smoothed out her robes. Harry and Ron meekly nodded and quickly gathered their things for class. 

"Harry! Hermione! Ron! Since you're all early come and see what I've got for today's lesson!" boomed Hagrid.

"Er-Hagrid?" began Harry tentatively, "Why are you talking normal? Where's your accent?"

"Simple," grinned Hagrid. "Whoever is writing the big book of our life decided that I was a pain to type for." Harry, Ron, and Hermione gave each other nervous glances. 

"Surely he hasn't gotten into the ale at this hour, surely he wouldn't right before a class…" whispered Hermione. 

" I don't know," replied Ron quietly, "And quit calling me Shirley." They all quieted down when they heard the mention from Hagrid that class was starting. They were regretting that they didn't get to see what Hagrid had in store for them, they could've warned Madam Pomfrey beforehand.

"This here is a Shnifflevonvanderwerkenshizner." Explained Hagrid while gesturing to what looked like small cross between a dinosaur and a tiger. "Once you get past the razor sharp teeth, pointy claws, poison venom…

10 Minutes later

…They are really quite sweet! I named this one Snookums," he said while pointing to the largest and scariest-looking of the Shnifflevonvanderwerkenshizners. 

Harry shivered. Hagrid was known for his potentially deadly "subjects". 

Luckily time ran out before they had to handle one of the beasts. "Oh well," Boomed Hagrid, "There's always tomorrow!" The class groaned a groan that could end all groans. "See yeh tomorrow!" said Hagrid who was gaining a bit of his accent back. 

"I hope DADA is as educational as this was," declared Hermione cheerfully. Ron and Harry exchanged looks or terror. 

"It is the great Harry Potter!" squealed a small voice, "I hope you is ready for Dobby's first lesson sir." By now it was no mystery who the voice was. The kiss marks and socks left by Harry's feet explained it all. Harry mustered up all the courage he could and marched into the DADA classroom. 

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I hope you enjoyed! Sorry so short!!! Dobby's first class should be pretty funny! Review with your ideas please!!! 

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	9. Professor Dobby’s First Lesson

I GOT 31 REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO HAPPY! I'm going to stop typing in caps now cause it's getting pretty annoying! I'm going to answer the reviews of the people who boosted me up there!!! Virtual ice cream for you all! C C C C (look at them sideways, they're ice cream cones! 

Marionette: I'm glad I cheered you up! The name Shnifflevonvanderwerkenshizner was actually inspired by my elementary school principal's name! Only a part of it though!

Lyn Black: It was about time for straight-laced Percy to have a change all right! All hail P.Weezy! Hmm…The Calling, I've heard of them but I can't seem to remember what they sing, next time you review leave a couple titles please!

PotterPerson: That was good, keep reviewing. Lol.

DarkAngelGirl: Thanks for being such a dedicated reviewer! I hope this chapter lives up to all the hype!

Also thanks to my friend who has been giving me personal reviews! 

Disclaimer: Only the plotline is mine, I'm just borrowing the rest for a little while. 

Here we go…the chapter you've all been waiting for!!!

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Chapter Nine

Harry Potter had been thinking all day. This was especially hard since thinking was a thing that he didn't usually do. As scary as it was, he had to make this a better than good chapter. He had a strange feeling that people were actually waiting for Dobby's first lesson. "Here goes nothing…" he sighed and began to type. 

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Chapter Nine:

Professor Dobby's First Lesson

Harry Potter mustered up all the courage he had and walked into the DADA classroom. He had faced death on numerous occasions but nothing could compare to what was awaiting him. Ron and Hermione were already seated and furiously taking notes. Hermione was taking notes anyway; Ron was paying Seamus Finnigan to write his for him. Harry sat next to Ron and gazed around the classroom. There were socks everywhere. It was quite a scary sight. But it also explained the stench in the room. Harry even saw a pair of his own socks that had been missing since last year. He shuddered at the thought of Dobby going through his things. 

Harry made a mental list in his head of all the things that he had been missing. There was his toothbrush, his comb, his hair gel, eight pairs of socks, and his favorite pair of boxer shorts. He decided to ask Dobby if he knew the whereabouts of his belongings. He really missed those shorts, they had moving broomsticks and flying snitches on them. He brushed away the sadness of losing his favorite shorts and continued to write. 

_The whole class grew silent as Professor Dobby walked in looking very distinguished indeed. Or as distinguished as a house elf can look anyway. He had on black official Hogwarts robes that were about six sizes too big and large glasses (that looked suspiciously like Harry's missing pair) that he struggled to keep on his long pencil-like nose. "Dobby is very happy to be here today, yes he is!" squeaked Dobby while fighting to stand on a pile of books so that the class could see him properly. "Dobby will teach you how to protect yourself from bad wizards such as Mr. Malfoy," he said quietly. An astonished gasp went through the class (it wasn't that astonishing though considering that Pavarti and Lavender were the only people who didn't know that Luscius Malfoy was a death eater, but that was only because they were too busy chatting about Witch Weekly's Wizard of the Month). "Oh no!" cried Dobby in horror, "Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!" He then proceeded to banging his head on every desk six times apiece. _

Harry chuckled to himself. He remembered when he had first encountered Dobby. That was an event that he would never forget (unfortunately).

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"Will please listen you all me to Dobby Professor," declared Dobby when he was done. He was still quite dizzy after all those head injuries. "Me will teach you the one thing that He-Who's-Name-Must-Be-Hyphenated is weakened by. The one thing he fears more than good chocolate chip cookies is…" Dobby paused and looked around to see the full affect his little speech was making; five kids were asleep, "…kittens. The Dark Lord fears fluffy kittens and no one knows more about fluffy kittens than me, Professor the Dobby." He was still a little dizzy. 

Harry could hardly believe his ears. Voldemort was afraid of kittens? Kittens? His deep thoughts were soon interrupted by Hermione's yell of "I KNEW IT!" and by the noise Dobby was making. He was having a quite a hard time passing out the kittens. Every time one meowed (which was about every 10 seconds) he would mistake it as a cry of pain and bang is own head on the desk as punishment for hurting the kitten. 

Harry gazed down at the kitten he was just handed. The sight of his own kitten soon abolished his thoughts of kittens being harmless. It strangely enough resembled Snookums, the Shnifflevonvanderwerkenshizner that Hagrid owned. His thoughts were interrupted again by Dobby's shouts of " Dismissed are you all, Harry Potter the Famous, please me see class after." Harry sighed. This year was going to be more complicated than he had in mind. 

Harry was pretty happy with this new chapter. Dobby was very in character. It was kind of hard to write him out of character anyway. Harry's brain began to brew once again when he remembered what the next class was going to be. Home Ec with the new, improved, curlyhaired Snape. This was going to be fun…

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A/N Well, I hope that lives up to what you were all expecting! I'm pretty pleased with it!!!! Virtual ice cream to everyone who reviews!

Disclaimer (again): the phrase "He-Who's-Name-Must-Be-Hyphenated" belongs to another fanfic author. I believe its from the story "Harry Potter and the Excruciatingly Pointless Fanfic." Please correct me if I'm wrong. It's a great fic. Check it out!

REVIEW PLEASE!


	10. Potions I Mean Home Ec

Hey Everybody! Wow! 36 reviews! Thank you all! Virtual ice cream for everyone! C

Hpfan: Yea, I thought it was from that story; it's one of my personal faves!

Marionette: Thanks! A story just doesn't seem complete without P. Weezy, does it? I was actually considering doing a small ficlet bout him. If you ever wanna use him for a story you can, but just give me credit at the bottom! Lol!

Aradas: Um, thanks I think…lol! Thanks for reading buddy! (She's a friend of mine.)

Lyn Black: I don't even know where I came up with kittens! I'll try to work in "The Calling" somewhere for you! Percy deserves to be able to cut loose!

DarkAngelGirl: Thanks!!! Keep reviewing! I love being funny!

(0)(0) 

'o' _ IT'S A MOUSE! _

(")(") ~-~

Disclaimer: IT'S NOT MINE!!!! Except for the plotline!

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Chapter Ten

Harry Potter was very, very excited. He had so many ideas for Snape's class. This was going to be his act of revenge! He was finally going to get back at Snape for everything that he had done to him! "Muhahahaha," laughed Harry insanely as he furiously began typing.

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Chapter Ten:

Potions…I Mean…Home Ec. 

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"You wanted to see me?" grimaced Harry while talking to Professor Dobby.

"Dobby wanted to give you this so Harry Potter won't be harmed," said Dobby who seemed to be in awe that Harry was only a foot away from him. Dobby then handed Harry a small packet of catnip. "Just in case," he whispered as he tiptoed away backwards. 

Harry wasn't at all happy about this. Even though the catnip was supposedly protecting him he didn't like the side effects of it. All the cats of Hogwarts were following him around. He was pretty sure that Professor McGonagall was one of them. He soon came to the Home Ec. classroom and tentatively walked inside. 

Everything in the room was pink. Every possible shade of pink you could imagine was in there. A big sign that read "Sponsored by Ferret World" was emblazoned on the wall. It was at this moment that he noticed that the Slythrins had on new robes that were much similar to Snape's new uniform. But theirs read "I Heart Ferrets" instead of "I Heart Cookies". It was quite obvious who had donated the money for these. 

Harry brainstormed for a few minutes. What else could he do to make life miserable for the Sythrins? He had a pretty good idea how…

_"Welcome…to the first…ever class…of…Home…Ec…" oozed Snape. You'd think he be able to talk at least a little bit faster without all that grease weighing it down. "Baking is a very subtle and delicate art, I can teach you how to bottle frosting, bake sweets, and even put a stopper in brown sugar." He said reminiscent of his first year speech but this was not at all intimidating. "Potter," he snarled suddenly, "Tell me, what is the difference between baking soda and baking powder?"_

"Everybody knows that!" declared Harry, "One's a soda and the other's a powder." Snape looked like he had just swallowed a lemon. 

"That's…actually correct," he gasped. This was extremely disturbing. He needed at least one Gryffydor to screw up a day to make him feel good. "Quiet down class," he muttered, "It's time to begin baking." 

Snape walked around the room surveying all the students' creations. He had given them all the task of making a very complicated soufflé . He was absolutely sure that all the Grffyndors would fail this. But to his surprise they were all exceptional cooks. Neville Longbottom even had the best looking soufflé! He'd never let them know that though. He pointed out the most miniscule details in order to make the Gryffyndors look bad. "Too poofy, not poofy enough," he'd say. Yet he complimented the Sytherins on their FLAT soufflés. 

Harry frowned. This sounded a lot like potions. It was time to spice things up a bit.

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"Hey Snape!" yelled Ron to Hermione's dismay, "Eat this!" He then hurled a huge soufflé that landed directly on Snape's face. Some of it even smattered on Malfoy's new robes.

"You'll pay for this Weasley!" drawled Malfoy. "These were my favorite robes!" he said with his eyes watering over while he tried to wipe away a smudge from the robe ferret's face. 

"You can have these," sneered Ron while tossing an old pair of his robes at Malfoy. "They weren't my color anyway." Malfoy just glared menacingly at Ron and then paused to nudge Crabbe and Goyle because they forgot to mirror his every movement like usual. 

"You will pay!" muttered Malfoy while still staring daggers at Ron. His thoughts were soon interrupted by an announcement.

"Yo! Yo! Yo! This is your resident DJ P. Weezy breaking it down for you!" My next happenin' class will go down in the Great Hall! Peace out!" boomed the loud speaker with Percy's voice. Could this day get any stranger? Harry shook his head, he seriously doubted that. 

Harry sat back and looked over his handiwork. He then laid down for a quick nap. Torturing Sytherins sure made him tired…

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A/N: Soo? You like? I hope so! I know I spelled the House names wrong, but oh well. Please Review!!!!!


	11. P Weezy's Dance Class

39 reviews! Only one more to 40! Hooray! I've been getting such positive reviews! 

Lyn Black: Even Percy needs to let loose every once in a while (or all the time in P. Weezy's case). The Calling will be in this chapter! Pink is a much better color than black on the Slytherin's new robes!

DarkAngelGirl: It was about time for the Sytherins to be taken down a notch! Everybody just loves Percy now, don't they?

Jaffacake: I know I rock. J/K! Thanx for reviewing and sharing this with your friends! I will try to make Harry a little nicer because he could always use a little work, unlike P. Weezy who is just perfect!

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Chapter Eleven 

Harry Potter was doing his victory dance for the tenth time that night. He just couldn't seem to express his triumph over the Slytherins any other way. Or maybe it was just all the coffee he had been drinking. Either way he had a lot of pent up energy and what better way to burn it than working on his story?! 

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Chapter Eleven:

P. Weezy's First Class

Harry Potter was discussing his next class with his best friends Ron and Hermione. They were all a bit anxious considering that Percy was Ron's brother and they were afraid that Percy would embarrass Ron. Yet it was more likely that Ron would embarrass Percy. 

"Quit worrying you guys," said Ron with his head in a book, "Percy won't embarrass me or anybody else!" His words were not taken very seriously considering that he was reading a book entitled 101 Places to Hide If Your Big Brother Is Going to Teach Dance Class At Your Magical School. Ron had been reading a lot more lately. Harry had a feeling that it was because of Ron and Hermione's newfound relationship. Or maybe it was just because Ron had joined a book club stating, "I have the money, might as well spend it everyway possible". 

Harry grinned. He knew that if Ron had money he would for sure spend it on anything, no matter how stupid it was. 

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Realizing what time it was the magnificent trio headed down to the Great Hall for dance lessons. Upon opening the door they were greeted by P. Weezy's mellow voice singing luxuriously:

So lately, I've been wonderin  
Who will be there to take my place  
When I'm gone, you'll need love  
To light the shadows on your face  
If a great wave should fall  
It would fall upon us all  
And between the sand and stone  
Could you make it on your own  
  
If I could, then I would  
I'll go wherever you will go  
Way up high or down low  
I'll go wherever you will go  


"OH MY GOSH!" screamed Hermione, "The Calling! The Calling! MUST HAVE AUTOGRAPH!" Harry and Ron had to hold her back so she wouldn't rush the stage. 

"Geez, relax Hermione," said Harry exasperatingly, "It's just Percy, its not actually The Calling."

"Oh. It is?" she questioned disbelievingly. 

"YES!" yelled Ron and Harry.

"He looks so handsome singing that…" trailed off Hermione with a sigh. Ron's eyes grew wider than tea saucers. 

"Percy! Stop singing! Stop singing!" cried Ron as he frantically unplugged the sound system.

Harry chuckled. Ron got jealous so easily. And Hermione had a habit of getting crushes on famous people (other than himself). He shuddered as he remembered Lockheart. 

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"What's the dealio lil' bro?" asked P. Weezy, "Afraid I was gonna steal your woman?" 

"Erm-no…" said Ron uncertainly. Percy just smiled and tried to do a special handshake with Ron, but Ron just stood there and accidentally got punched in the face. 

"Guess he'll be missing out on all the fun in the hiz-house!" declared Percy as Madam Pomfrey whisked Ron away to the infirmary on a stretcher. "Now let me show you peeps how to really dance!" yelled P. Weezy. Percy proceeded in doing some break-dancing…if that was what you could even call it. He basically just tried to spin himself around on the floor for approximately 42 minutes. Harry concluded that Ginny must have learned how to dance from Percy. "And that's how you do it!" finished Percy. "I'll see all you hommies tomorrow for my next class. It'll be off the heezy!" he grinned. Harry groaned as he saw Hermione requesting for Percy to sing another Calling song. This year just kept getting weirder and weirder…

Harry sat back and contemplated his next move. Quidditch was about to make an entrance in a big way…

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A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Sorry it's a bit short! Was that enough P. Weezy for you? Next chapter is Quidditch practice with Sirius Black and Oliver Wood! *Sigh* 

Until next time…Read and Review!

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	12. Quidditch Tryouts

46 reviews! Only four more until 50! I'm so happy! : )

Blade & Duvessa: Thanks for reviewing! Everybody needs a good laugh now and then! Peace out! ;) 

Ara Kane: Yes, I've heard this is a very original story! Thanks! I'd tighten up on the book terms…but I'm kind of a lazy person, just be thankful that I update! Lol! Hermione is basically what Harry sees her as. He kind of pokes fun at her bookish and uptightness but at the same time he is letting her let loose a little bit (her "The Calling" obsession for example). 

Jaffacake: You're right, there can never be enough P. Weezy! That is weird that you were listening to that song! Be ready for more sides of your fave characters, but I'm afraid Percy won't in this one much…

DarkAngelGirl: Thanks for reviewing again! Glad you liked The Calling!

Lyn Black: Thanks for giving me the idea. Some more of Super-Hermione's weaknesses will be revealed soon!

Marionette: It's pretty funny to imagine Percy doing any of this stuff actually! Thanks for reviewing!

Azaelian: Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you like my ideas! 

Disclaimer: Once again, it's not mine. 

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Chapter 12 

Harry Potter was positively giddy with excitement. This was the big chapter he had been waiting for! The Quidditch chapter! 'This is gonna be excellent fun,' chuckled Harry…

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Chapter 12:

The Quidditch Tryouts

Harry Potter patiently waited in front of the bench on the Quidditch field while waiting for people to arrive. It was the annual tryouts for the team and most of Harry's classes went by in a blur. It was also Harry's first official day of being team captain. He was silently going over how he was going to handle the supposed hoards of students who were going to arrive. Much to his surprise, only three had shown up. Ron wasn't there because he "didn't want to ruin his new designer robes". There was Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom, and a small Hufflepuff whom Harry had to explain to that these were Quidditch tryouts, not all-you-can-eat donut buffets. Harry sighed as he looked over the rather sorry sight of possible new team members. He was pretty sure that Hermione had no idea how to work a broom and Neville was well…Neville. ' The team could always use a couple good broom polishers,' he thought to himself. 

"Granger, Hermione," he called even though it was rather useless. He shook his head as he watched Hermione clumsily fumble around with the broom. Much to Harry's surprised she gave him a quick wink and sailed flawlessly into the air. She did sharp turns, record speeds, and even added a couple of loops all while reading the book How To Show Your Friends That You Really Are Good At Just About Everything by I.M. Perfect. She was better than Angelina and Katie combined! Well maybe not that good, but she was pretty close! Harry just stared at her awestruck as she climbed off the broom. 

"What?" she chuckled, "Never thought I could fly like that? 

Harry just numbly shook his head and feebly called out "Longbottom, Neville." This was the one thing that Harry could depend on being predictable. Everything else that day had pretty much been way too unexpected. Harry quickly was jolted with the sudden realization that he had thought too soon as he watched Neville soar off and catch ten Golden Snitches within one minute. Neville was even better than Hermione! Unfortunately for Harry this happened just as Sirius and Oliver Wood walked onto the field.

"Oh…my…gosh…" gasped Sirius. He too was in shock at this phenomenon. 

Oliver Wood, however, just swelled up with pride and shouted, "New team captain is Neville Longbottom! Sorry Harry old chap, but Neville deserves this."

Harry grinned. Neville definitely deserved this. Neville had also suffered the loss of parents, but no one ever acknowledged that. Neville was always being ridiculed at school despite how loyal and friendly he was. Harry decided that even if this was just a story he was writing, he was going to make life for Neville a whole lot better. 

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Harry stomped off the field while pretending to be angry. In reality he wasn't upset at all. Hermione and Neville deserved everything they had gotten. To take his mind of things Harry decided to take a look at the new brooms they had just gotten in for the team. They came complete with air brake, smooth steering, hot chocolate maker, and butt-massager. They even had a place to put your own personal stickers. Harry silently assumed that the broom with the sticker that read, "Let's have an intelligent conversation. I'll talk and you listen" belonged to Hermione. How she knew she was going to make the team ahead of time Harry didn't know. But then again, there were a lot of things he didn't know about Hermione. He quickly rushed away from the brooms when he saw the Slytherin team coming. It was rather hard to miss hot pink robes and brooms that repeatedly flashed the words "Ferret World". Harry just grinned and walked to the common room while listening to Percy's rendition of "Adrienne" by The Calling. As he heard Hermione's scream of "THE CALLING! OH MY GOSH!" Harry just grinned. He was starting to get used to this new year already. 

Harry was very, very happy with this chapter. It wasn't that humorous but he had given Neville the recognition he deserved and he had given Hermione a little fun. His work was not quite done yet though. New ideas were brewing already. 

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A/N: Sorry if that was a bit short and not that funny. I just have a soft spot for the underdog! The ideas for the broomstick features belong to my good friend Sara! Also does anyone else besides me think that Crookshanks is actually Mrs. Figg in her Animagus form? It's just a theory I have! 

Please review!

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	13. The Belated Halloween Ball

Hey Everyone! Sorry about the delay! I had a severe case of J.K. Rowling Syndrome (AKA: Writer's Block), which in fact, I still have! So, I'm apologizing beforehand if this chapter stinks. Ok? Anyway…I GOT 54 REVIEWS! I'm so happy! Only 6 more until 60! Keep them comin'! 

Sana: Thanks for reviewing! Glad you like it!

Athena73: I'm glad you like it that much! I'll be keeping it up for a long while because I've realized that this is the 13 chapter and there is still no sign of Voldi!

Jaffacake: Don't worry, lots more P. Weezy for this chapter! Isn't that just the best movie ever? It's best in Italian!

DarkAngelGirl: It was about time for Neville to get what he deserves! I mean that in a good way! 

Lyn Black: I have a feeling that The Calling is going to be a running joke in this fic, along with Ferret World! Super Hermione has plenty more weaknesses to write about!

Oliiiiophaunts: Most people do like P. Weezy…I'm still trying to figure out why…I like the new "Edgy" Hermione too.

AllStarChaser20: Don't worry; Harry's still the seeker! I'm glad you think that it's gotten funnier! Thanks for the idea about Ron and the Chudley Cannons *evil grin*

Disclaimer: It's not mine…. Duh. If it were I wouldn't be writing a fanfic. 

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Chapter Thirteen

Harry Potter was freaking out. It was a week after Halloween and he hadn't even written a Halloween chapter! And he had so many ideas for it too! Oh well…he'd just write it anyway. 

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Chapter Thirteen:

The Belated Ball

It was at approximately 2:00 AM when Hermione zoomed through the common room on her broom screaming the words 'November'. This lasted about 20 minutes until someone threw a mood ring at her. She immediately stopped and stared at the ring in awe. "Such…pretty…colors…" she cooed. Harry slowly approached her and gingerly took away the ring. Hermione snapped back to reality instantly. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?" she screamed. "YOU KNOW ONE OF MY MAJOR WEAKNESSES ARE HEAT-SENSING OBJECTS!"

_"Calm down Hermione," said Ron quietly, "Just explain to us what happened."_

_"Well," began Hermione while taking a deep breath, "I was busy rescuing a couple kids from a burning building when I took a look at their scorched calendar. Today is November 4th…we completely forgot about Halloween." At this announcement all chaos broke loose._

"We missed mischief night???" crowed the Weasley twins in unison.

"Yes, I'm afraid that this could only be the cause of one man," whispered Hermione. 

"Who?" said the Gryffindors although they were afraid that they already knew. "Was it…You-Know-Who?"

"No," said Hermione gravely, "The guy who made our calendar skipped the month of October. What we must do is make everything right and throw a Halloween ball."

"How would a dance help anything?" butted in Harry. 

"SILENCE! You know I'm the brains of this group!" proclaimed Hermione. Harry had forgotten how cranky she was after a rescue. 

"Now listen up, this is what we'll do…" said Hermione with the rest crowded around her. 

Harry chuckled. Hermione did seem to have an answer for everything. He made a mental note to buy a whole box of mood rings for Hermione's birthday. 

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About two days later the whole school was in swing getting ready for the ball. The Ravenclaws were transfiguring teacups into pumpkins and the Hufflepuffs were trying to help, despite the fact that all their pumpkins still had handles. The Sythrins were being very top secret about their costumes and the Grffyindors were helping decorate. The big ball would be the next day so everybody had to get his or her costumes ready. 

On the night of the ball Harry waited impatiently for Ron and Hermione so they could go ahead and head on down to the great hall. His costume was what he called the "Quidditch Accident" costume. It was a broom that appeared to be lodged through his stomach (much like those arrow hat things). He thought this was very clever and would for sure win him first place but he knew that the others would have something amazing, considering how long it took them to get ready.

Harry decided that that was a stroke of pure genius and jotted down a note to remember that for next year's costume. 

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A loud thud let Harry know that one of them was finally ready. Ron came down the stairs wrapped in a large ball of gold foil with silver wings. "What the heck is that supposed to be?" asked Harry while stifling a laugh. 

"I'm a golden snitch you imbecile!" said Ron with a huff. "I'll have you know that this is imported foil made of pure gold!"

"Whatever," sighed Harry, "Do you know what Hermione's coming as?"

"Probably a giant book," smirked Ron. At the very mention of her name Hermione appeared, only she wasn't dressed as a giant book. She was wearing a silver dress made out of The Calling CD's and her shoes were made out of the plastic from the cases. 

"Ready to go?" asked Hermione and they all made their way to the Great Hall.

The Great Hall didn't look much different from the other years except for the fact that there was a large DJ table and a group of unhappy looking ferrets. When Harry got a closer look he realized that the "ferrets" were actually the Sythrins in the costumes they had been so secret about. The Ravenclaws had a group costume; they were each dressed as a piece of homework (all A's of course!). The Hufflepuffs came dressed as they normally would because they had forgotten about the ball in a course of three hours. Despite the major costume differences everybody was jamming out to P. Weezy's dance tunes. The only low moment was Percy's free-styling. It went a little something like this: "I saw a ghost and he was the ghost with the most, so we got some toast and ate a roast." He was pretty good when he was singing songs that weren't his though. 

Pretty soon it was time for the costume contest. "Yo! Yo! Yo! A diggety mad costume is gonna win a numero uno prize! You all down with that?!" yelled P. Weezy. The audience replied with an unenthused 'yeah'. Oddly enough all the winners were Hufflepuffs. After the contests everybody was starting to "get their swerve on" as Percy would say, when a shadowy figure slipped into the Great Hall and turned off all the lights…

Harry leaned back and admired his work. This oughta get them! A good old-fashioned cliffhanger!

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A/N: Ok…that was dumb. Sorry bout this cruddy chapter people! That's what you get when you don't have any ideas! Read and Review PLEASE!


	14. Strangers in the Night

Hey everybody! I'm back! Technically I never was gone…but anyway I was sick today so I stayed home from school! I'm feeling a bit better now so I figured I might as well add another chapter! Only one more review until 60! I'm hoping for over 100!

DarkAngelGirl: Hermione is definitely weird all right. I'm not even sure if people enjoy her much anymore. Is it just me or is this story turning into one of those cheesy insanity fics where nothing makes since? No offense to anyone who writes those. I just need some input.

Jaffacake: I'm glad you like Super Hermione! Same thing happens to me when I watch that movie. Thanks for not thinking it's cruddy; I hope this one is better.

Returnoftheoliophaunt: Don't worry; I'd never hurt P. Weezy…much. Lol, j/k. I have a somewhat idea of who the figure will be. 

Lyn Black: I've actually seen a costume like Hermione's, but it was made out of credit cards. Guys never understand anything.

Marionette: I'm glad that you don't think it's cruddy either! I want a costume like Harry's!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Scooby-doo!

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Chapter Fourteen

Harry had been up every night for a whole week trying to decide who the shadowy figure should be. Could it be Snape? Draco? Neville? There were just too many to pick from. Harry sighed. He'd just have to go with his gut instinct. 

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Chapter Fourteen:

Strangers In The Night

A rush of loud shrieks and screams entered the Great Hall. Everybody was panicking, for they had no idea what was going on. Their yells were interrupted by a mysterious booming voice. "Citizens of Hogwarts, I am your greatest nightmare! No, I'm not He-Who's-Name-Takes-A-Long-Time-To-Say. I am an evil even worse than that…" The voice was cut short by Hermione Granger who flipped on the lights and rushed to the location of the voice. On her way she plucked a CD from her dress and threw it. It hit whoever the voice was and the microphone hit the floor with a loud *thud*. The bearer of the voice was wearing a large cat suit and was putting up a quite a fight. He was no match for Hermione though. She had studied for three years at the Crouching Tiger academy and could kick some major butt. 

Harry started cracking up. Hermione Granger could barely kill a fly, there was no way she could go kung fu on anybody. Still, it was a funny thought.

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Within minutes Hermione had the speaker in a headlock. "SHUT UP AND LISTEN!" she yelled to the screaming masses. She smiled sweetly and continued, "Through much examination of clues ("What clues?" murmured the crowd) I have come to the conclusion that this cat thing could be no other than…" She slowly pulled of the head to the cat costume and revealed…

"Old man Smithers? Um…I mean Filch!" yelled Harry and Ron quite puzzled. 

"Yes indeed. Filch hates all kinds of fun and parties because they ruin his freshly polished floor. He also wanted revenge on Professor McGonnagall after she refused to go out with him." concluded Hermione looking very smug.

"How could you refuse me Minerva?" spat Filch. "I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids and their pesky ferret!"

"Oh…him?" questioned Ron while gesturing to Malfoy, "He isn't with us."

"Oh shut up you foil covered truffle thing," said Filch to Ron extremely bitter. 

"For the last time! I'm a GOLDEN SNITCH!" cried Ron, "Hagrid! Sick Snookums on him!" The very minute Ron uttered those words Snookums, the snifflevonvanderwerkenshizner, burst out of its cage and attacked Filch.

_"My baby's all grown up now!" blubbered Hagrid._

Harry grinned. It was just like Hagrid to get all emotional like that. He was a big mad with even bigger feelings. [A/N That was cheesy, I know, I know].

"Quiet down my peeps!" shouted Percy who now had hold of the microphone. "Who woulda thunk that creepy jive turkey Flich would have been the evil dude?! Anyway, this next song goes out to Hermione Granger from Neville Longbottom for bein' such a butt-kickin chick!" Percy's voice instantly mellowed out as he began to sing. The heartfelt medley of "Hero" floated through the Great Hall. Hermione stepped into the center of the dance floor and took Neville's hand. He was even handsomer than Oliver Wood. 

_"How sweet," sighed Ron as Harry just stared at him. Ron instantly realized that Hermione, his girlfriend, was dancing with another guy. And she looked quite happy with it at that! "I can't believe it! He's gonna pay!" growled Ron as he stomped to the dance floor…_

Harry stared at his screen with a very smug look on his face. He was getting really good at these "cliffhanger" things. 

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A/N: I left you hanging again didn't I? Heeheehee, I'm so mean. Not really. Just review at you'll find out what happens next! Also, if Hermione's name is spelled likw the word "Hormone" I apologise. I clicked something on my spell check and it changed everything. Read and Review please!


	15. The danceoff and the new girl

I'm baaack! Sorry about the delay, I've just been busy with school and all. In fact I should be doing a research paper right now…but I have some ideas I just want to get out. I saw the Chamber of Secrets a couple of weeks ago! Ron was my favorite! I loved the way his voice cracked! So cute! My disappointments? No Valentine's Day poem from Ginny and the phoenix was so fake and ugly! Also, I'm apologizing for this in advance if any of you are Mary Sure fans or writers. I don't mean to offend; it's all in good fun! 65 reviews! Five more until 70!

Marionette: Glad you enjoyed it! I love Scooby-doo too!

Jaffacake: Thanks for reviewing! Just too clarify the cat costume; Filch was dressed as a cat because of Ms. Norris! Get it now? Lol! I wanted to do something unexpected!

Lyn Black: Don't worry! I'll put the Calling back in soon!

DarkAngelGirl: Thanks; I was getting a little worried!

BriDee: Sure, you can do something like it. Just please credit the idea to me somewhere.

AllStarChaser20: I'm happy that you still like it! 

Disclaimer: Not mine…

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Chapter 15

In his free time Harry had been surfing around on the web, trying to find possible ideas for his story. There were a couple of things on there that bothered him, and he was about to clear that bother up…

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Chapter 15:

The "New Girl"

Ron stomped out to the dance floor red with fury. No one danced with his girl except him! "Longbottom!" shouted Ron, "You're gonna pay for this! Hermione is mine!

"Well, duh," stated Neville, "I'm not stupid, we're just friends!"

"Take it back!" roared Ron who was completely oblivious to the fact that Neville hadn't insulted him. 

Harry chuckled. Ron didn't listen much to anyone. 

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"Well my homeboys and chickies, I guess there's only one way to settle this hip-hop-happenin argument! A DANCE-OFF!" yelled Percy into the microphone. Shouts of "Woo-hoo!" were scattered throughout the crowd. They were mostly from Hufflepuffs because they were the only ones dumb enough to drink the punch that Draco helped Snape prepare. Harry had a strong suspicion that there was ferret pee in it. "Up first is Neville "Short Butt" Longbottom!" introduced Percy. Neville did a few moves and flips and pretty soon he had the whole crowd cheering for him. Who knew that Neville could be such a great dancer? 

Harry cracked up. Just the thought of Neville break dancing was enough to send anyone into peals of laughter!

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"Up next is Ron "Fireball" Weasley, performing his specialty, the Chudley Waltz!" announced Percy. Ron proceeded to do an elaborate dance that looked like something out of the "Matrix." Well, it would've looked like something out of the "Matrix" if Ron hadn't fallen flat on his face. Dancing must not run well throughout the Weasley family. "Ladies and gents of the hizz-house! The numba one stunna is Neville!" A wave of cheers erupted from the crowd as Ron sulked away to where Hermione had been sitting. In her place was a card that read: Went off to chase the Calling tour bus! See you tomorrow! Love, Hermione.

"Oh well," thought Ron dejectedly, "Tomorrow is another day!"

The Next Day

Harry, Ron, and a very weary looking Hermione sat down to eat breakfast in the Great Hall. Hermione was very tired considering the fact that she followed the tour bus through four different towns. She was practically asleep in her food. Suddenly she shot up and shouted "Exchange Student senses tingling!" Then she splatted her face into the mashed potatoes and fell dead asleep. Soon enough, just as Hermione predicted Dumbledore announced that a new girl from America was here today.

"Oh crap." moaned Ron.

"Want to make a bet?" asked Harry while checking his reflection in his plate.

"About what?" questioned Ron.

"Whether she's a perfect goodie two shoes or if she's a death eater in disguise," remarked Harry nonchalantly. 

"You're on," said Ron, "Five galleons says she's a death eater in disguise."

"Like, hey boys!" said the giggling mystery girl, "My name is like, Adreana and I like, cannot wait until we like, become best friends and I like, save you from Voldemort!" she giggled once again. 

"Pay up my friend" said Harry to Ron. "And you," he said to Adreana, "We have a special place for new girls just like you…" He said as he led her down a dark corridor and shoved her into a door and slammed it shut. A sign on the door read "The Chamber of Yram Seus". [A/N: Read it backwards!]

"But, Harry" stammered Ron, "Don't you think that her and the hundred others could escape somehow?"

"Don't worry Ron," said Harry, "The only way to open the chamber is to speak Valleytongue."

"What's that?" wondered Ron.

"It means that only people who can speak valley girl can get in there," said Harry who was running out of patience. 

"That's good, let's just hope that Lavender and Pavarti don't wander over here!" chuckled Ron as they walked away. Little did they know that Pavarti and Lavender were eavesdropping right around the corner.

"You like, know, what this like, means!" giggled Pavarti.

"SLUMBER PARTY!" they squealed together while running toward the chamber.

"That should be enough for today," thought Harry. The attack of the Mary Sues would be coming up soon. But first he had to bring in old friend of his into the story somehow.

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A/N: I hope you liked it! Sorry if you like Mary Sues! Please R/R


	16. An Old Friend and A Hairnet

Hello again! Its update time! Woo-hoo! 71 reviews! I only need nine more for 80! Quick question though. Do you spell it Parvati or Pavarti? I'm really not sure…

Chocolate Muse: Welcome back! I'm glad you still like everything!

Lilynris: I'm glad you like it all! P. Weezy is one of my favorite characters! Next time you see a "Ghetto Harry" or "Ghetto Ron" story, always remember that first the was P. Weezy!

Jaffacake: I guess I had forgotten that "Tomorrow is another day" was from Gone With the Wind. I've never read the book or seen the movie. My crazy English teacher just says it all the time. I just hope she never reads this! That was one of my favorite lines from the movie! Who's Sean Bean?

Marionette: Thanks reviewing! You want more? You got it!

AllStarChaser20: I thought Neville break dancing was pretty funny too! Orange marmalade? I like the way you think!

Lyn Black: Of course the Calling's back in! What would the story be without it? Lol!

Disclaimer: It's not mine…I'm not getting paid for it, etc, etc.

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Chapter Sixteen

Harry Potter woke up from a terrible nightmare. He and his friends (along with some enemies) had been locked in a small room and forced to read terrible stories about them. Harry shuddered, it was almost too real. "Oh well," he thought, "I'm up, and so I might as well write up another chapter.

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Chapter Sixteen:

An Old Friend and A Hairnet

Harry had just returned to the common room after taking a brisk walk by himself. It was supposed to be a long walk, but he had accidentally encountered Snookums so he had to cut it short. In the common room he found a blaring television set and a very dazed looking Hermione. "Hermione!" he shouted, "Are you okay?" Suddenly he remembered that Hermione and television didn't mix too well, so he quickly shut off the set and rushed to help his friend. "What happened?" asked Harry after Hermione had been revived (he had to wave a failing paper in her face to wake her up). 

Harry chuckled. Just mentioning a failing paper was enough to send Hermione into hysterics.

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"Ron bought a television set and paid some fellows to enchant it so it would work in the wizarding world," said Hermione, "I don't even know why he would want a T.V. He doesn't even know how it works! He doesn't even know the proper name for it!" she exclaimed. "He thinks it's called a VellyTision set!"

"Speaking of Ron," said Harry, "Where is he?"

"Oh, he's up in his room, and huddling in a corner." she said nonchalantly.

"What happened?" said Harry disbelievingly.

"When he finally figured out how to work the set, the first show he came to was "Spiderman" and when he changed the channel it was "Eight Legged Freaks." He ran up to his room muttering something about butterflies," giggled Hermione. 

Harry smiled; Ron hated spiders for as long as he could remember. Once Ron hid under his bed for a week after he heard Hermione singing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider."

_"Anyway," concluded Hermione, "We better get ready for class, there's a couple special guests in Defense Against The Dark Arts."_

"C'mon Hermione," pleaded Harry, "I'm supposed to be on "Oprah" in ten minutes!"

"HARRY JAMES POTTER! THAT IS NOT YOU AND YOU KNOW IT! NOW LETS GET TO CLASS BEFORE I GO KUNG-FU ON YOU LIKE I DID TO FILCH!" she bellowed. Who would've known that such a big voice could come out of such a tiny person? Her yells were so loud that they drew Ron out of the boys' dormitory. He was dressed in fiery orange pajamas, had on an eye mask that read: High Class Guy, and was clutching a large, plush dollar bill. 

"Come on, Ronald," said Hermione who had suddenly gained back her composure, "Let's get to class."

A Few Minutes Later

Hermione, Ron, and Harry walked into Prof. Dobby's classroom and were greeted by a most unusual sight. Standing beside Dobby was Snape, pink robes and all. His curls were particularly bouncy, but they were hard to see because of his hairnet. 

Harry paused to look at what he had written. Snape + Curls + Hairnet = hilarious!

_A loud "Ahem" drew their attention to another person in the room. When Harry, Hermione, and Ron saw whom it was their jaws dropped. _

"Attention students," began Professor Dobby, "Dobby has two very special guests for you, yes he does. I give you Severus Snape and…

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A/N Cliffy! Just kidding! You'd hate for that wouldn't you! Here's the rest!

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_Dobby didn't even have to finish his sentence. Everybody already knew who this mystery guest was. _

"Oh my gosh!" cried Harry, Ron, and Hermione while giving the guest a hug, "We've missed you so much **Professor Lupin**!

Harry grinned. This was great. Now he had Sirius and Remus! Could it get any better? Oh yes it could…

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A/N: Thanks for reading! Please give me ideas for the next chapter in your reviews! Thanks again! 

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	17. The Ice Sculpture Contest

Hey all! I'm back! Sorry bout the long wait! I can't believe how many reviews I got! I have 86! I only need 4 more until 90! 

Harry_fan: I'm glad you think its funny enough to review four times…. Lol! Just kidding! I'm not sure about putting Cho Chang in, I'm not sure if I like her much, but Harry does like her, so maybe I will put her in.

cLeO: Um, sorry about the Dobby bit, most people thought it was funny. Did you like the rest?

: I'm glad you like it, but I didn't catch your screen name…lol!

Voldemort Kicks Booty: Thanx for reading! If everyone keeps up the great reviews then I'll keep up the story!

Katie: I didn't know who "The Calling" was until someone asked me to put them in the story. I'll try and put some more Eminem in it! I made Sirius a girl magnet cause it's a parody of how everyone else sees him!

Aneme-child: I'm glad you think it's so funny! Repeat after me, "breath in, and breath out"

Jaffacake: Sorry to hear about Glenn Quinn, I'm so behind on the times! 

DarkAngelGirl: That's okay; you made up for it by reviewing this chapter! I'm not really sure where this is going, I need more ideas…

Marionette: I thought it was funny too!

AllStarChaser20: I read your story, very funny, I didn't have enough time to review though, sorry!

Chocolate Muse: Yes, poor Sevvy indeed! Don't worry, Remus and Sirius won't bother him (much). 

Disclaimer: It's not mine; I don't own anything, blah blah blah

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Chapter Seventeen

Harry Potter was jittery. Very jittery. So much was going on with his story; he had so many ideas! He also had many things about the wizarding world that he greatly wanted to clear up…

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Chapter Seventeen:

The Ice Sculpture Contest

After everything settled down Dobby began his lesson. "Please listen to Dobby boys and girls," began Professor Dobby, "He-Who-Has-No-Fashion-Sense has a great fear…this fear is even greater than his fear of kittens or his fear of chocolate chip cookies." Harry could've have sworn that he saw Remus chuckle, but he shrugged it off and tried to pay attention to Dobby. "The thing that He-Who-Is-A-Big-Dummy fears most of all is…" The whole class held their breath in anticipation. " Ice sculptures." declared Dobby. "Therefore Dobby is going to have an ice sculpture contest, yes he is! That is why Dobby brought in Professor Snape and Professor Lupin, they are ice sculpture experts."

Harry gazed at the screen and thought for a moment. Ice sculptures were pretty scary. He had an unfortunate accident with a unicorn shaped one when he was younger. That's how he really got his scar, and a bus shaped one had hit Voldemort. J.K. had a way of elaborating the truth, that's for sure.

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The whole class erupted with activity. Some kids were pairing up with other kids, and others were running out of the rooms to begin their "secret" plans. There hadn't been this much activity since the costume contest. 

Finally, the day of the contest arrived. Remus and Snape arrived first, dressed in their best winter clothing. Remus was wearing a sleek, black leather coat and Snape was wearing a fuzzy pink coat, complete with a purple hat with a pink pom-pom on top. He looked quite funny with his curls sticking out from underneath that hat.

Harry started cracking up. Snape's winter attire was even funnier than Snape in a hairnet! Harry was really beginning to enjoy this "torturing his enemies" thing.

The first sculpture that Remus and Sevvy came to belonged to a group of Ravenclaws. It was large bookshelf and was full of books. "Splendid!" exclaimed Lupin, "Very good!"

Harry stared at the screen. Sevvy. Why had he called Snape, Sevvy? "Oh well," thought Harry, "it makes it funnier."

"Good? You call that good? It's terrible!" grumbled Snape as they made their way to the next sculpture. It belonged to a group of Hufflepuffs and it looked a lot like Justin Finch-Fletchy [A/N I think he's a Hufflepuff, I'm not sure though. Just pretend for now!]. 

"Very realistic!" complimented Remus. "How did you get it to be so life like?"

"Well actually…" began a small Hufflepuff while shuffling her feet, "Justin fell in the pond and well…froze this way."

"Icieus Meltius!" cried Snape with his curls bouncing. "Take him to the hospital wing right away! The next sculpture they came to belonged to Harry. It was a larger than life statue of Brad Pitt. 

"Er--Harry?" began Remus, "Why do you have a sculpture of Brad Pitt?" 

"Brad Pitt?" asked a puzzled Harry, "Who's Brad Pitt? This is clearly a statue of me!" he said while striking a pose. 

Harry looked in the mirror. He did kind of resemble Brad Pitt. He had a sudden urge to break into song, but he'd put that off for now.

"Very well then," sighed Remus while leading Snape to the next sculpture. It belonged to Ron Weasley and it was a small-scale replica of the Weasley mansion, complete with enchanted ice figures of the family running around. It was a great carving, but Ron was disqualified due to the fact that he hired some people to build it for him. The next statue belonged to Hermione. It was a full-scale stage with all the members of "The Calling" rocking out on their instruments, yet Hermione was nowhere to be seen. 

"Mi'm mover mere," said a quiet muffled voice. The voice turned out to be Hermione who's lips were stuck to one of the ice statues of the band. Remus uttered a spell and she was soon free, but she didn't seem too happy about it. "WHY"D YOU DO THAT FOR!?" she fumed and ran back to the castle. 

Remus and Snape cane to many other ice sculptures before they reached the last one. Among them was Draco Malfoy's. It was a very large ferret that was holding a sign that read "Ferrets Make The World Go 'Round." Snape thought it was absolutely brillant and wanted to declare a winner right then and there, but his mind was quickly changed when they came to the last sculpture. It belonged to Neville Longbottom, and it was beautiful. It was the manger scene with a sign that flashed "The Reason For the Season." Neville was instantly declared the winner, because his was clearly the best done and the most meaningful sculpture there. 

Harry was just plain sick of all those people accusing them of being evil. He hoped that this would show everyone that even though he and his friends were magical, that it didn't mean that they were evil. 

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All the witches and wizards gathered around the statue and sang "Silent Night," until the sun sunk behind the snowy hills. Another day was over, but more adventures would be on their way. 

Harry sat back and admired his work. He sure hoped that he got his point across. 

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A/N: Sorry if you didn't think that it wasn't very funny. And sorry if you were offended by anything. I'm just sick of people accusing the books of being evil, and I wanted to clear some things up. MERRY CHRISTMAS! HAPPY HANUKKAH! HAPPY KWANZAA! AND HAPPY ANY OTHER HOLIDAYS YOU CELEBRATE! 

Please review and copy and paste your favorite part into the review!

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